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I’ve been silent way to long….
In 2002 I meet a man, let’s call him Peter.
I was 18 years old and it was my “first” real relationship.
I was so in Love and we started building a life together, we moved in to an apartment together and life was GOOD, I was happy and he was a great guy, well at least up to that point.

It all started with after we had moved in together. I was controlled and I wasn’t allowed to see my friends anymore. He was manipulative and even made sure that I stayed away from my family as much as possible.

I was young, blind and dumb… We went on a holiday to Croatia and it was the day after my birthday. He went out partying with some Swedish people that we meet and I went hoe earlier because I was tired.
I woke up around 9am, but the bed was empty. He wasn’t there…
I tracked him down and I found him in bed with two Norwegian girls…

Gosh did that break my heart?
I was devastated…. and I didn’t even know how to continue after that.
But I stayed in that relationship and even when he was violent and aggressive after drinking to much I just couldn’t leave.

But one day I decided…. I was better than this… SO I left him, and boy it was super hard, because he didn’t stop trying to contact me and make come back.

I was strong and I even let him take MY dog… because he treated me if I didn’t give her up, so I did.

The reason I’m telling this is because the pattern keeps repeating itself. I keep meeting guys that is emotionally unavailable and I keep getting let down.

So why is this happening, well the answer is simple, I still haven’t learned the lesson. I know I’m worthy of so much better… but yet again I keep dating guys that tells me the right thing, but as they say… actions speaks louder that words.

I’m tired of constantly having this pain in my heart and sometimes I feel like it’s all my fault and I don’t know how to love again.

Writing this doesn’t mean I’m giving up on LOVE, because I know it’s out there… even for me. It’s just taking me time to understand what I’m worth.

I’m worthy of a man that doesn’t drink like a maniac and get wasted way to often. I’m worthy of a man that can communicate and open up and talk about their emotions and I’m worthy of a man that knows that actions speaks louder that words….

One day I will BE HAPPY with the right man and I will have learned the lesson that I need learn.

If you can relate I want you to know that we are many out there and we just have to trust even when it’s hard.

XO Linda XO